off to 6am yoga, but . . .

just saw this article in the online version of the missourian, MU's j-school paper staffed by students. 

about the time of last night's blog entry, i sent a "preemptive apology" to jason + sarah's family trying to explain that pretty much everything kim + i said came out not quite like we meant. 

example:  amanda-the-reporter asked,  "will this be an annual event?" 
we don't know we said, we just want to enjoy this one.
we meant ENJOY in the best sense of the word. like savor. 
savor because life is short. 
savor with gratitude because these people gathering have a connection (to sarah, to us, to the community) and it's those connections that make life so much richer.

got up this morning and saw a "don't worry, it's fine" email from jason and from elizabeth. it's fine. i wish we could have gotten across how terrific sarah was but hmmmpf

what do you do when realize you're much less articulate than you hoped?

lastly, b/c i'm trying to move through this... here's a copy of the email~the only thing sarah ever asked me for in the absolute whole time i knew her . . .

 From:   sarah @ becking . com

Subject: Hello Amy!

Date: October 22, 2007 9:46:57 AM CDT

To:   hello @ silverbox photographers . com

I know that we spoke about family photos months ago but…..was wondering if there was a day in the late afternoon (in the next month or so ) that we could meet at Stewart park or some place close to both of us to do some family photos. I have put it off too long. I am just so much more comfortable behind the camera.


Anyhoo…just let me know if there is space in your calendar. I am not after anything but some nice outdoor images of the kids and us, preferably playing (I guess we should try to pose for a few). Any crisp fall day will do.


Sarah Becking


PS Bring your kiddos along if you would like. They can run and play in the park…It might distract my kiddos from what is actually going on (better smiles!!) I think that I have ruined them as far as posing for pics is concerned.


i feel badly every day, every single about this . . . you know: life.  busy time, never got back with her. the holidays came; the holidays went. then it was spring. again BEAUTIFUL time we could have gone out and played at the park, but i never called sarah to set this up. months can pass. years can pass. for sarah, it was significantly less than a year . . . in july sarah came out of surgery with carcinoid tumors extracted. . . the first reports were filled with good news. from jason's email we read:

Sarah’s surgery was completed about an hour ago.  Although we haven’t seen her yet, reports from the doctors are fabulous.

They removed all carcinoid they were able to find.  And they tried very hard to find it all.  And they didn’t find any carcinoid anywhere we didn’t already know it existed.  Exclamation points!! Exclamation points!!!!  Exclamation points!!!!! ....

Everything that happened was expected, and they didn’t do nor find anything unexpected.  They removed what we were pretty sure already existed, and were unable to find anything else to worry about.  I’m restating, trying to figure out if there’s a better way to say that this is essentially the best possible news that could have come from today.  A long, great day, broken up by a big storm and brief power outage in the hospital (waiting room, not the operating room).

Sarah will be in ICU starting here in a bit, for a day or two, then in a regular room for another few days.  Enormous thanks to all for all, on behalf of all of us in New Orleans.

even ku gets a pass today, stupid shoe-wearing mythical birds.

. . . ever heard of staph infection (MRSA)? the email that came our way two days later had very diferent news. 

She was a loving wife, a great friend, had a happy spirit, saw the best in people, and was an outstanding mother.  The kids and I are in Malden now, will be returning to Columbia tomorrow.  Sarah’s mom and dad are en route to Columbia now to be with her brother and his family.

There’s simply nothing about it that seems fair or right, but I guess that’s why they call it fate.  Perhaps the incident two years ago was simply a wake up call so we could fully appreciate these past two years, which we certainly did....

I close this e-mail the way I’ve ended most phone conversations, go hug your friends and family.

Sarah loved you all, and I appreciate that love flowing back toward us now.

please know we're trying to learn from this.
working on it, but figuring out how to proceed . . .

stop by sunday if you can...